My New Awareness

I learned something special today. I learned to be. Just be.

I have a to do list of what I want to see while I'm in the Keys. So far not much has been accomplished. Steve wasn't feeling well, then my CFS kicked in for a few days. We're still resting and we've been here a week. I wondered when we would do it all. Snorkel in Penningcamp, party on Duval during sunset, watch the key deer, find the manatee, and that was the first four on a two page list.

I walked the dogs this morning, as I always do. It has become a chore. I followed behind, blue doggy bag in hand so we wouldn't leave a trail on the way to the dog park. I waited impatiently while they ran around the park marking every spot any other dog had been to since we last visited. I hurried back to our campground so I could get inside and (1) check my email (2) journal (3) plan the day. I came to the campground and sat on the picnic table for the dog's one last chance before we went back inside. Ahead of me was the ocean. How did I miss that? It's beautiful. Green and blue with calm ripples skimming the top. An occasional boat crosses the horizon. The pelicans dive for their breakfast while cranes stand tall against the water. The white is such a beautiful contrast on the water. Why hadn't I noticed this earlier?

I was reading Thich Nhat Hanh a few days ago about aimlessness. Buddishm calls it wishlessness. "We must learn to stop from time to time in order to see clearly." In another chapter he discusses using a bell to bring himself back to the present. "Listen, listen. This wonderful sound will brings me back to my true self." My bell is the ocean. It always has been. This is my realization. The ocean will bring me back to my true self so I can practice aimlessness.

I pulled out my lounge chair and set it in the shade where I could see the water. I tied the dogs close to the shade so they could enjoy the open air. I opened my journal and I wrote about my realization. Then I did nothing. I didn't even take any pictures. I savored the image in my mind. I sat aimlessly and did nothing. I did nothing until it was too hot to do nothing, so I went inside to cool off so I can do more nothing later.

This is a practice I will continue everyday while we're on our quest. It's a shame it took 52 years and an extended RV trip for this realization. When I return I will take time everyday, even five minutes, and do nothing, for doing nothing is something.

Nastame